Yesterday I visited my doctor and finally had the chance to consult with her after a month notwithstanding being late as to enduring all the dreaded traffic jams that plagued my travels. My meeting was supposed to be at 2PM but because of said traffic jam, I was able to arrive at 3:45; as a consequence, a more prolonged waiting time since there were clients slated for each of the hours after 2 PM. I had to wait, therefore, but I could say that despite boredom I was still able to stay put. Thank heavens! The best part of it as well was I had the chance to munch on a Subway sandwich, drink Subway coffee, and receive a mental health kit from the doctor’s secretary. Cool, indeed (details of which I shall be posting some other time).
It was only after about two hours before my doctor saw me. Upon my entering the consultation room, we discussed the usual things: what has been keeping me busy, what affairs have been stressing me out, how was my work and other stuff. Of course I had to recount my thoughts on those and then she said it would be nice for me to keep a journal on events about my everyday life that she would eventually read when I return to her come January. It would be a mood journal in particular, where I could narrate what I am concurrently feeling vis-a-vis with certain occurrences that either excite or strain my emotional state. Her mentioning the journal, made me guilty actually: I know all about this de-stressing mechanism all along but how come do I not practice scribbling onto something, despite my penchant for purchasing various kinds of writing instruments and specialty notebooks?
Then I recalled: it was mostly of the I have no time excuse. Yes, as I always figured myself busy, always on the go, entirely crammed up for next day’s tasks in the workplace that I would forget my own interests in writing down something (take this blog for instance). But then, doctor told me that my scribblings need not be lengthy: identifying a feeling would suffice then possibly an emoticon to represent it then little side notes elaborating on the emoticon. Not hard, isn’t it not? However, while she was going on about my assignment, anxious thoughts about not pursuing the activity in the long run came looming overhead. It had been somewhat of a habit that I come off spasmodic: enthusiastic at first and then the eagerness dying down after a period of time, just because… ah, too many reasons.
Yet I began to ruminate on the idea of commitment. What if I became more devoted into my journey towards wellness, hence a similar devotion to maintaining the journal? It is high time that I profess a sort of vow that whatever I have deemed worthy as an upstart should I translate into fruition. Moreover, journaling can be therapeutic in a sense. In fact, the reputable health website WebMD even had a feature article indicating how beneficial journaling can become, especially to those suffering from depressive thoughts, “freeing” them from a lack of mindfulness in some sense, therefore tapping into a particular awareness of their own feelings and inner strengths. But of course, this would be so if only one takes it upon himself or herself the dedication required to finish—at the least, maintain—the project. Perhaps it is more of understanding about what journaling entails and why one needs to do it in the first place. In this way, the personal drive towards mindful writing is not diminished nor will it be swayed.
Now, yes, commitment. I need to convince myself that I am not at all a failure at responsibilities and that I could, definitely, keep myself writing down my feelings even once per day. It is not impossible. All it takes is that I believe in myself that I can and will do.
Now my mind is telling me I have to journal now.