I admit: I am not a very patient person. Most of the time I try to harangue myself with the thought of others dispelling any consideration about my efforts, with them trying to seemingly invalidate my existence. Petty things would elicit anger on my part, such as waiting for a vehicle to arrive or standing in line to buy fast food. Moreover, it is most apparent that I do not even have the temerity to listen and endure—I want the quickest way possible to everything inasmuch as I always believe that anything hampering what I could do within a matter of seconds ought to be deemed unnecessary, like what I said, waiting in line. For why not? All I’d desire is to be productive and all those segues that go between my endeavours and time need to be accounted for. Heck, I could even spend hundreds of bucks on an Uber than wait for eons (which, in turn, depletes my cash… talk about hard-hitting consequences).
However, I realised that life does not work that way. In everything there should be an ample dose of waiting time and a thorough means for painstakingly enduring those proffered us. Anyway, life is not perfect but it is up to us to make it tolerable, peaceable, and blissful. If it entails that I wait for something, I should. Recent circumstances of feeling guilty because of overspending on vehicle rides—just because I could not wait—made me feel inadequate and sometimes anxious that I had not been handling myself in the best way that I could. Because I am impatient. Because I always think of myself as on the go mostly that I must not be delayed. Talk of being selfish, then. Yet definitely, I do not want to be so!
Maybe this could well dig deep into my temperament, as I could get really perturbed, not to mention volatile. And when I am perturbed, my restlessness would surface eventually plunging me into desiring something so quick and throw tantrums when not obliged. In this way do I become relentlessly, unspeakably atrocious—I morph into a beast that demands my preferences be doled out quick, notwithstanding the aftermath of all such.
But then again, this should not go on forever as it had been posing such unwarranted consequences, selfishness being paramount. There ought to be some change that does entail an overhaul of everything, and not mere whitewash; in this, conviction must play a vital role. I must have the fervour to profess my own weakness then proceed to revamping my own state of moral dereliction (in this aspect, of course). I must keep myself from proposing pertinacious alibis that, on the surface, make me feel good about a haphazard decision but in the end would pose peril. Thus, a simple task such as refusing to wait can be a means for me to suffer financially in the long run, if I still endeavour to push through with spending beyond my capacities just because I could not wait for a simple ride home. In the same way that of keeping myself in check and not blurting out various impervious statements simply due to certain people not comprehending me as I speak or write. All in all, it is a matter of conduct. Virtue.
It satisfies me that somehow I have made it a point to reflect as of this writing concerning my attitudinal flaws. Next would be the how; and hopefully, I could hurdle this weakness which I consider part of my very own mortal hubris.